sophie heawood

How to shop for free

Thu, 19 Aug 2010 05:08:00 +0100

I spend a lot of my life in what Brits call charity or junk shops, and what Americans call thrift stores. In England you go to Oxfam or the British Heart Foundation; here in LA you go to Goodwill or Out of the Closet.

(I happily think of that last one as The AIDS Shop - not that they actually sell AIDS, but I was a bit confused when I first entered one, and saw big signs all through the store saying AIDS this and AIDS that, where other shops might have, I dunno, ‘50% Reductions’ or ‘Winter Coats’.)

Anyway, I’ve been a repeat offender in charity shops since I was about 13 and developed an obsession with wearing oversized blazers that always made my grandmother protest, “Ugh darling, you can’t possibly buy that, A MAN MAY HAVE DIED IN IT.”

I suppose if you’re a granny, you know that charity shops are where clothes go when you die. 13-year-olds with limited pocket money take a different approach to mortality. And to all intents and purposes I am still a 13-year-old with limited pocket money, so let’s carry on.

Here is what you should buy in charity shops:

1) VASES. Old dead people always have the best vases and you can pick them up for about 3 quid/bucks. You must never buy a vase in a real shop, as 87% of the world’s vase population is already hanging out at the Goodwill, waiting for your wet stems. (That’s what she said.)

2) BAKING DISHES that look a bit like Le Creuset casseroles and may in fact be just that if you’re lucky. Also any sort of glass dishes to bake things in. Or trays, or eggcups. But NOT mugs. You must only buy the mugs if you never had a father and need to pretend that somebody in your family went on a corporate away-day in 1987.

3) BOOKS about gardening. This isn’t proving so true in America, where the books sections are full of self-help tomes about why your meth addict boyfriend doesn’t call you when he says he will, but in England - oh England - you can always score the most amazing books about flowers.

4) BLAZERS, macs and woollen winter coats. Men’s or women’s. Thin enough for tennis or thick enough for Siberia. Always amazing. I think every coat I own comes from a charity shop and people always ask me where they’re from, so they must be brilliant. Unless it’s the stench of death that’s attracting all the attention. Hard to know for sure.

5) Specifically: this season’s camel coats! I’ve just been reading Vogue and it’s full of eulogies for autumn 2010’s camel-coloured wool coats. So I went straight out and found one for ten dollars at a Goodwill in the Valley, and another for 20 bucks in one of those council thrift stores on Fairfax, West Hollywood. The latter one is particularly fine. Proper vintage American and looks like it cost ten times that amount.

In fact, here it is:

6) ART. Even if you don’t like any of the paintings in there, take a close look at the frame. I often buy crap paintings with a nice frame and just yank the art out of it when I get home. Sometimes I do feel a bit evil, as the picture tends to be of some begonias that Aunt Tragedy painted while her husband was in the hospital wearing all of his blazers and dying, dying, dying. But it’s no more evil than wasting your life on the internet, and yet here we all are, rolling in the mud again.

7) DESK LAMPS. I realise that buying second-hand electrical goods may sound like the fast track in the How To Die In A House Fire game, but all I can say is that I am Not Dead Yet. Unlike all those chaps who once wore my blazers.

So, all in all. Charity shops are full of death, but a nice sort of death that really wants to come to life again. The world has limited resources - why not buy stuff that already smells a bit?

WHY I HATE CUPCAKES

Sun, 21 Feb 2010 21:28:00 +0000

WHY I HATE CUPCAKES

unhappyhipsters: And one day, a ladder appeared. Julien climbed...

Tue, 02 Feb 2010 07:08:28 +0000

unhappyhipsters:

And one day, a ladder appeared. Julien climbed with guarded optimism; could this be the way out for which he’d been searching all these weeks?

(Photo: Stéphane Chalmeau; Dwell, January 2010)

LIKE EDDIE MURPHY, IMMA COMING TO AMERICA. HEAWOOD DOES...

Sun, 31 Jan 2010 23:39:00 +0000

LIKE EDDIE MURPHY, IMMA COMING TO AMERICA. HEAWOOD DOES HOLLYWOOD. WATCH THIS SPACE.

Stuff that came my way today

Wed, 13 Jan 2010 16:33:00 +0000

A cool-hunting kid goes to LA and takes some photos. Happy people wearing colours and drawing pictures and having parties involving second-hand goods and teddy bears and the sunlight of Los Angeles. There is nothing not to like here.

The world’s most famous virgin. Not to be missed: the Ex Boyfriends page (HE HAS NEVER SLANDERED HER) and the Her Family section. Also not to be missed: the joy of navigating a website built in frames. It’s the smell of madeleines for those of us old/young enough to remember making our first websites in Geocities. Tumblr kids, you have no idea how wealthy your fingertips are.

M.I.A’s new video. Loving the green lights and the song.

Joss Stone’s old video. So not loving this that I am close to a coronary. The phrase “it beggars belief” just doesn’t even do the experience justice. Just press play and keep watching - it starts bad and then it gets so, so much worse.

This didn’t happen on the internet but I’ve also just read Betjeman’s poem, Indoor Games Near Newbury, for the first time. It’s about children at a party who love each other. Has shades of Pulp’s Babies about it, only these kids are posh and have chauffeurs and choose their partners for a fox-trot, to “dance until it’s tea o’clock!” A sheer delight. My new masterplan for 2010 is to spend much of it dancing until it’s tea o’clock.

helloilikeyou: via

Sun, 10 Jan 2010 21:02:00 +0000

helloilikeyou:

via

Dizzee Rascal once sent Jonathan Ross a text. It said “Yo bro. dis is Dizzee. Good 2 c ya...

Tue, 05 Jan 2010 01:27:12 +0000

Dizzee Rascal once sent Jonathan Ross a text. It said “Yo bro. dis is Dizzee. Good 2 c ya again. Holla.”

So the South African President, Jacob Zuma, just got married for...

Tue, 05 Jan 2010 01:17:00 +0000

So the South African President, Jacob Zuma, just got married for a fifth time, and I have to admit I was “a bit funny” about polygamy until I saw the bride and her bridesmaids. Look at them! Look at her! Seriously fierce. I remember there were girls at my school who were well into being bridesmaids - some of them were even repeat offenders - but I never really saw the thrill in going down Tammy Girl to get dressed up as one of a matching set of peaches and then holding onto the back of a grown-up’s dress while she kissed a man. Which was just as well, since my family were not the sort of people who knew the sort of people who had weddings, and I was not the sort of child you wanted hanging off the back of your meringue, so no one ever asked.

If Team Beyonce don’t hijack this look for the next video then a trick is missed. (Dear Mrs Zuma, you had the best bridesmaids of all time, of all time, etc etc)

“Everyone is so critical. All must be sacrificed to the great god of skinny. You must say no to...

Mon, 04 Jan 2010 14:27:00 +0000

“Everyone is so critical. All must be sacrificed to the great god of skinny. You must say no to everything. Life has to be pretty fabulous, surely, if you can afford to turn down occasions of pleasure? I think it is a fear of flesh. Maybe of vulnerability and softness. I do think that women who spend all their lives on a diet probably have a miserable sex life: if your body is the enemy, how can you relax and take pleasure? Everything is about control, rather than relaxing, about holding everything in. I associate thinness with dying. My mother had real eating issues. When she had cancer, she said, ‘this is the first time I have eaten without worrying’, and that is chilling. Something clicked, and I vowed never to say, I am not allowed that.”

Nigella Lawson

Happy 2010 from the wilds of England’s waterways. All is...

Mon, 04 Jan 2010 14:13:00 +0000

Happy 2010 from the wilds of England’s waterways. All is calm, all is bright.

“I used to think as I looked at the Hollywood night, ‘there must be thousands of girls sitting alone...

Mon, 04 Jan 2010 13:29:00 +0000

“I used to think as I looked at the Hollywood night, ‘there must be thousands of girls sitting alone like me, dreaming of becoming a movie star. But I’m not going to worry about them. I’m dreaming the hardest.’”

Marilyn Monroe

So my new year’s resolution was to start going to bed before midnight. On New Year’s Day I managed...

Sun, 03 Jan 2010 06:20:00 +0000

So my new year’s resolution was to start going to bed before midnight. On New Year’s Day I managed to get my teeth brushed, laptop shut, Blackberry strategically hidden (thrown) into a pile of laundry, actual pyjamas on and my own limbs folded into my own bed with a book by one minute to midnight. (It’s what Iron Maiden would have wanted.)

The rules were that I was allowed to read after midnight, just no technology. So I read til quarter to one. It was quite gripping but I made myself close the book and turn the light off, snuggle down, mmm this is how to live responsibly. Lo, this smells like what normal people do, for I have seen them on television.

By half-past three I was so bored of lying there. God I was bored. I wasn’t just counting sheep, I was taxonomising ovine gene mutations. Sleep did come to visit eventually, but only like a booty-caller drunk-dialling in the middle of the night, not like a proper boyfriend who tucks you in and knows how to spell your surname.

And then the alarm went off at half-eight but of course I couldn’t get up until half-past ten. But I was still like, it’s alright, you’d had a big night out for New Year’s Eve, it’s a funny time of year, we can still cure you of this nocturnalism jive, Heawood. I had high hopes. That night I went to karaoke at the Dolphin for my beloved Cibelle’s birthday and came home at 1am, earlier than everyone else, because I was all snuffly with a cold and thought I should try bed again. That worked well, as I was still up at 5am. Stayed up til 6am the next night too.

Basically it’s time to face facts, I don’t just have the cheekbones of a hamster, I have the sleep schedule too, and, what’s more, I like it. Hiding in the darkness getting stuff done. The night belongs to lovers, and writers, and dreamers and schemers who want to see in the bewitching hour with their eyes wide open. Up all night got demons to fight.

So my bodyclock just has a lopsided pendulum. If it even is a bodyclock. I’m starting to suspect it’s a cuckoo clock instead.

I’ve made a wintry pop playlist that some friends seem to be liking - swirling and swooning...

Sun, 03 Jan 2010 06:17:00 +0000

I’ve made a wintry pop playlist that some friends seem to be liking - swirling and swooning from Midlake to Minnie Riperton to Rihanna. So if you’re in a country where you can use Spotify, play it here.

And if you’re not. God. What did we do before Spotify? It’s an incredible streaming jukebox that’s become v popular amongst my friends in London, though it’s not so great for the musicians who aint making much dosh out of it. Anyway, click below if you want the tracklisting.

roscoe - midlake

runaway - yeah yeah yeahs

pray for spanish eyes - madonna

cold case love - rihanna

paris, aeroplane remix - friendly fires

los angeles - morten harket

look - sebastien tellier

peanut dreams - grand national

young bride - midlake

moving - supergrass

hailin’ from the edge - apparat

makes me wanna die - tricky

inside my love - minnie riperton

primitive - roisin murphy

let my shoes lead me forward - jenny wilson

kiss of life - friendly fires

quiet life - japan

erotica - madonna

roche - sebastien tellier

rain (i want a divorce) - ryuichi sakamoto

somebody’s party - the durutti column

overnight - gonzales

lions, tigers and bears - jazmine sullivan

only here for the fight - jenny wilson

shit on the radio - nelly furtado

love is a losing game - amy winehouse

hysteric - yeah yeah yeahs

Here’s some things I’ve written recently: Big interview with Joanna Newsom for The Times...

Sun, 03 Jan 2010 05:52:00 +0000

Here’s some things I’ve written recently:

Big interview with Joanna Newsom for The Times - this was such a pleasure to work on. What a woman.

In defence of Dappy from N-Dubz! The poor misguided death-threatening superstar

Not in defence of Pete Doherty! The poor drug-addled drug addler, with added druglings

Snoop Dogg starts making music for those formerly known as bitches and hos

John Mayer shows understanding towards bitches and hos

Snow Patrol wonder where to get some of these so-called bitches and hos

Julian Casablancas tries to remember at which point the bitches and hos arrived if at all and exactly how wasted was he anyway ngngngngn hic

And here’s a bunch of older articles that you might enjoy, since I recently rebuilt this website and the old links got killed off along the way. Click below!

Why I’ll always love Michael Jackson, even though my flatmate says he’s “a creepy paedo.”

Drinking bellinis and talking scientology in Tokyo with indie wonders The Kooks

A behind-the-scenes, fly-on-the-wall piece about Keane, as they tour Brazil. They’re Lily Allen’s fave band you know. I love Keane. Did I mention that I love Keane?

Also in Brazil, but this time touring on a PRIVATE JET - an incredible trip with the one and only Iron Maiden

Thom Yorke starts a secret supergroup in LA! I was there! All the sad songs now go WOOGA WOOGA WOOGA thanks to Flea’s bouncy castle basslines! Actually amazing

Why money is naff and someone should tell Damien Hirst

Why Beryl Cook is not naff and someone should tell the National Gallery

A night on the toon with the incredible and often stark naked Grace Jones

Where indie-folk meets classical - at the Brooklyn Philarmonic with Grizzly Bear

Toff rock - how upper-class Brits took over the pop charts, with quotes from Loyd Grossman (yeah a good journalist should never reveal their sauces etc etc).

Look I just want to say something about this investigation into obsessive Take That fans - I LIKED THEM, I was not being mean. Although the line about Dorothy Perkins smock tops haunts me to this day, a bit. And the bit about chubby thirtysomethings with highlighted hair, because, well, I can’t think of anybody I know who looks like that. Oh wait.

She’s on Celebrity Big Brother now, but Lady Sov’s been around a wee while.

Introducing Guardian readers to Lily Allen back in the day. (I had to plead the case for her debut album getting a full-length review, instead of Razorlight! Haha)

“I love Los Angeles. A lot of people go to LA and they see...

Mon, 07 Dec 2009 02:57:00 +0000

“I love Los Angeles. A lot of people go to LA and they see just a huge sprawl of sameness. But – and that’s maybe true for every place – when you’re there for a while, you realize that each section has its own mood. The golden age of cinema is still alive there. The smell of jasmine at night and this light - the light of LA is so beautiful and inspiring. It was the light that brought everybody there in the first place.”

David Lynch

I spend far too much time poring over the Homes sections of...

Mon, 30 Nov 2009 18:52:00 +0000

I spend far too much time poring over the Homes sections of newspapers - possibly because I haven’t slept in my own bed for four months. (Long story, ask me about it some time) This is from a riad in Essaouira, Morocco as featured in the New York Times. But you could build shelves like that anywhere, couldn’t you? I’m now fantasising about getting out the wattle and daub and building shelves like mini walls. No I’m not quite sure what wattle and daub is, no.

Catalina Island! Bison! Oh me oh my!

Fri, 20 Nov 2009 18:56:00 +0000

Catalina Island! Bison! Oh me oh my!

Spent a few crisp November days in New York and had breakfast in...

Fri, 20 Nov 2009 00:55:00 +0000

tyler

tyler

tartine

west village

Spent a few crisp November days in New York and had breakfast in the West Village with Tyler, my old flatmate from when he lived in London. He took me to a little French cafe called Tartine, where we ate almond croissants and I made him tell me the history of Jello, which relates to an art project he’s working on. I’m English. I don’t understand Jello. Anyway, it turns out that the history of Jello as told by Tyler Coburn is more interesting than you could possibly begin to comprehend. It involves smalltown America, ground-up cows, tanneries, the educational authorities and whether ketchup can be labelled a vegetable or not. (Even Mr Heinz was apparently like hey dudes this sauce stuff really isn’t a vegetable.) Equally, Jello is not a fruit. I was hooked.

I miss LA

Sun, 15 Nov 2009 13:06:00 +0000

I miss LA

So tomorrow I’m interviewing Moby live on stage at the...

Sun, 15 Nov 2009 05:43:00 +0000

So tomorrow I’m interviewing Moby live on stage at the Palace Theatre in London. That’s the one on Cambridge Circus which housed Les Miserables for une million years. He’s playing a concert and then I’m going on to ask him questions halfway through it - the audience will be able to put forward some of the questions. I’m considering wearing the vertiginious stilettos that I bought for a recent wedding, although they make me look like a dominatrix giantess - possibly not the best idea when standing next to a small bald man.

(I interviewed Moby for The Times earlier this year - he said that he used to bleach leopard spots into his hair and dye it green “and I think the universe looked at me - the way child welfare takes children away from unfit parents - and it’s almost like the hair welfare people took my hair away from me. I went from moderate male pattern baldness to full-on Phil Collins.”)

More info on Moby’s website - which directs you back to my website - hell, why not keep clicking back and forth between the two like you’re stuck in some nightmarish Borgesian see-saw with only two internet self-publicists for company…